


Fairy Tail

by Denois, Lukutoukka



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Canon typical alcohol use, Fairy!Chowder, Irish!Dex, M/M, Multi, Oral sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-06-09
Packaged: 2019-05-19 22:47:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14882678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denois/pseuds/Denois, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lukutoukka/pseuds/Lukutoukka
Summary: Look, it’s not that William Poindexter didn’t know the dangers of dealing with fairies. His máthair Chríona was Irish. Like Irish Irish. And she had taught him. He knew not to follow lights in the woods. He knew not to walk into rings of trees, or rocks, or mushrooms. He knew not to give his true name. He knew not to agree to owe anything, even by saying “Thanks”. He knew not to eat fairy food. He knew about the Fae.The problem was that William Poindexter was a teenage boy, exploring his bisexuality and driven by hormones, as much as any other teenager, as well as by hockey and worry, quite a bit more than most teenagers.





	Fairy Tail

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Logistics of Fae, or: How to Finally Get Your Fucking Sink Fixed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13818192) by [TheElectricSpecter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheElectricSpecter/pseuds/TheElectricSpecter). 



> The Epilogue is all Lukutoukka with some slight rewording by Denois. The rest is by Denois with input from Lukutoukka. 
> 
> This was inspired by reading [The Logistics of Fae, or: How to Finally Get Your Fucking Sink Fixed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13818192?view_adult=true) and a subsequent conversation about how difficult it would be for a fairy to pay back the favor if Dex was the human in the equation. Eventually, Lukutoukka and I decided the fairy would repay by helping out Chowder (and possibly the Haus), which led to the idea of, what if Chowder *was* the fairy?
> 
> "Fairy" is only used to reference a member of the Fae, or the land that the Fae are from. However, not everyone is a believer and so it gets interpreted as a slur by some characters.

Look, it’s not that William Poindexter didn’t know the dangers of dealing with fairies. His máthair Chríona was Irish. Like Irish Irish. And she had taught him. He knew not to follow lights in the woods. He knew not to walk into rings of trees, or rocks, or mushrooms. He knew not to give his true name. He knew not to agree to owe anything, even by saying “Thanks”. He knew not to eat fairy food. He knew about the Fae.

The problem was that William Poindexter was a teenage boy, exploring his bisexuality and driven by hormones, as much as any other teenager, as well as by hockey and worry, quite a bit more than most teenagers.

So it really shouldn’t be that surprising that his senior year in high school he played a pick up game of shinny and ended up making out with the goalie who was “just passing through and thought a game would be fun.” 

He didn’t have to work that day and had no homework due, so one thing led to another in the cab of his truck and before he knew it, he’d blown the guy and realized that he really really liked doing that. 

“Oh wow! Wow! That was awesome! Oh wow! Bro, I owe you for that. That was amazing.” The guy was kinda small, but William figured that’s why he was a goalie, and at 6’2” and a defenseman, most people seemed kinda small to him. 

“Yeah. Whatever. Look, I need to head back to town before my Ma worries. Do you need a ride in?” 

“Oh, no. I can make it from here. Thanks though.” The guy paused with the door to the truck open and threw the next words over his shoulder like an afterthought. “Oh yeah, could I have your name?”

William would later thank centuries of genetic coding for survival because his brain was still not fully online since he hadn’t gotten off, but something about the situation made his blood still and he was suddenly very calm. “You can call me Dex.”

“Ok, Dex! I’ll see you around!” Then he was gone and William was alone in his truck and it was very cold. 

“Fuck. I just blew a fairy.” His knowledge didn’t cover what would happen in this situation and he wasn’t sure that he was prepared to ask.

“Maimeó, what happens if I blow a fairy? Like, just suck him really good, until he sees stars?” No. That was not a conversation he was going to have. (Which was a shame because his máthair Chríona actually knew the answer.)

_X_

William did not expect to see the fairy again at Samwell on the taddy tour. He didn’t expect to see him at the first practice as a Wellie. He didn’t expect to see him in his computer science class. And yet, the fairy was always there.

He had names for the fairy now. Chris, C, Chowder. 

William would fix something on his truck, in his dorm, at the Haus, and Chowder would show up just as he finished, mumble something about being late, and often disappear again. Unless it happened in Will’s dorm. Then, well, then usually the fairy ended up saying he owed him another favor.

Will couldn’t drink at kegsters because the first time he’d tried, he’d caught Chowder dancing with Nursey and Nursey’d been half way to giving him his name, his soul, and his first born. 

He pulled Chowder off the dance floor and managed to get him set up impressing humans with tricks and doing the splits on the back porch. Nursey had told him to chill and looked like he was never going to forgive Will. That’s what he got for saving a guy’s life. 

So, kegsters meant Will ran interference. Keeping C away from the rest of the SMH team, even if that meant Nursey leaving with a random football player and Dex blowing a fairy again. 

And like, yeah. He liked giving blow jobs. He had since that first. But really, he’d like something more than being a fairy booty call. 

Then they ran into Farmer during a piggyback race. At first, Dex was hopeful. If Chowder got a girlfriend, maybe he’d forget about the favors owed to Dex.These hopes were dashed in January. 

It started out a decent day. Practice and classes were fine. Dex and Nursey were lounging on the nasty green couch at the Haus working on homework and not bickering. Dex was somewhat distracted by Nursey’s wicked hot face, which he was only willing to admit was wicked hot when Nurse wasn’t in the process of trying to pull on his ears or spilling something on him, but he was still getting through his assignments at a decent pace.

Then Chowder walked in with Farmer.

Of course they’d met Farmer already. When the original collision occurred. At Winter Screw. But it had been brief, she’d been focused on Chowder. So it shouldn’t have surprised Dex when Chowder started introducing them to her. 

“Babe! You remember me telling you about Nursey, right? Isn’t he just as pretty as I said?” Chowder beamed at her and waited for confirmation. 

“And Dex! Dex is the one I told you about that gives just, the best blow jobs. Like, totally ‘swawesome blow jobs. I’m probably indebted to him for life now.” Chowder flashed his smile at Dex and then the two moved off through the Haus. 

Nursey was making strange strangled noises beside him and part of Dex thought that he should really check on his friend to make sure he’d live. 

A weird calm had settled into Dex as Chowder left and he closed his laptop, put all of his things into his bag, and walked out the door. He wasn’t parked too far away, so it took very little time to retrieve a shovel from the back of his truck and return to the Haus. Digging through the snow in the backyard with a shovel meant for dirt was a bit difficult, but manageable. Digging through the frozen ground was nearly impossible, but Dex was committed. 

He’d managed to make a hole a few inches deep and about a foot in diameter when Bitty and Jack stepped onto the back porch. 

“What are you doing, hon?”

“Digging a hole.”

“Ok. But why?”

“Going to get in the hole. And never leave.” Sweat was streaming from his body, but he put his foot on the shovel to dig it into the dirt again. 

Large hands covered his and took the shovel away. 

“Ok. A break then.”

_X_

Jack was a cruel captain and refused to allow Dex to dig himself a hole to live in. Dex compensated by refusing to leave his dorm for anything other than hockey or class, but C was a fairy, so he still managed to pop in. 

Dex groaned and covered his head with a pillow. 

“What are you doing here? What will it take to get you to leave me alone?”

“I told you. I owe you so much. I have to return the favors you’ve done me! I have to repay you! But you don’t ask for anything and you need so little. We’ll probably be best friends forever! Yay!”

“Repay me? You announced to God and everybody that I’m great at sucking dick! You announced it in front of Nursey!”

“Yeah, but that still doesn’t completely repay any of the favors.”

“What?” But Dex was talking to himself now. 

_X_

Two days later, he ran into C and Farmer on Lake Quad. They weren’t alone, another woman was with them. A tall Latina with beautiful brown eyes. She was rolling those eyes near constantly as the group approached Dex.

“Hey Dex! You should meet Mari! Tell him about Mari!” Chowder was vibrating and Dex felt the need to put a hand on his shoulder to try to contain the energy somewhat.

“Hey Dex. Mari is like your doppelgänger I guess.” 

Dex looked from Farmer to Mari, taking in her dark hair and skin, and back. 

“Oh. Yeah, not in looks.” Farmer laughed a little at that though. “No, she is just the absolute best at eating pussy. She goes downtown like nobody else on earth. So, you know. You guys have that in common.” 

Dex really wanted to facepalm, or facesidewalk, but instead he extended a hand towards Mari. “Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m Dex and I once sucked fairy dick and now he follows me around.” Dex jerked his head towards Chowder while talking.

“Oh, thank God. Here, let me give you my number.” 

Dex thought he saw C and Farmer high five as they wandered off.

“Thanks. Um, do you know how to get rid of them? I mean, C’s probably one of my best friends, but is that just because he’s always around? He just pops up at random times. He announced to my teammate that I blew him.” Dex ran a hand through his hair.

“Mierda. I was hoping you did.” She sat on a nearby bench, sighing heavily.

“Ok. Ok. Well. We can at least work together on finding something to do. At least get them settled somewhat? Just so I can stop worrying that he’s going to kidnap our teammates.” Dex was trying to think the problem through. Thus far it was more confusing than the dryer at the Haus. 

“Yeah. At least I’m not in this alone anymore.”

_X_

Unfortunately, Chowder outing him to Nursey had not improved Dex’s relationship with Nursey. Dex was willing to attribute ten percent of that to the fact that he’d been hiding from Nursey outside of practice. The rest he blamed on Chowder, Nursey, and Nursey’s chill. 

Even more unfortunately, Ransom and Holster didn’t know anything about what was going on and kept throwing kegsters. Which meant that the weekend after he met Mari, Dex had self assigned Chowder Patrol. Sure, the rest of the SMH referred to it as Nursey Patrol, and he did try to make sure his line partner didn’t fall off a table, or pull down a chandelier, or anything else that would cause serious, lasting, or permanent damage. But his main concern was the serious, lasting, and permanent damage that could be done by an excitable fairy. 

Because fairies like pretty things. And fairies take pretty things. And fairies play rough with pretty things until they get bored and then they abandon the pretty things to waste away. And dammit. Nursey was pretty.

Dex wasn’t sure when he made the decision to basically abandon the rest of the team to their own survival instincts, possibly with some help from Ollie, but by the time Nursey was starting to lose articles of clothing, Dex was focused solely on keeping him alive and out of faerie. 

The thing was, Nursey liked to dance. Nursey’s ability to dance depended greatly on how drunk he was and how sexual he could make it. Which meant that Dex wasn’t entirely certain how much was dancing and how much was foreplay when he grabbed C and whispered in his ear.

“Hey, Farms said that she’s got a lead on a threesome and wants you to hook up with them.”

Chowder’s eyes grew wide and gold. “I thought I was working on that.” 

Dex did not miss the flick towards Nursey and shit, he did not need Nursey to have the attention of two fairies. “No, uh, the other sort of threesome?”

“Oh! Right! Ok!” And thankfully then he was gone.

And Nursey was pissed, but that was whatever. Dex dragged him into the kitchen for water. 

“What the hell man? Just because Chow likes your blow jobs you think you own him or something? You think you can just cockblock everyone else?” Nursey slammed the refrigerator door and then slung himself into a chair. 

“Dammit Nursey. I just lied to a fairy for you and you think that I’m cockblocking you out of jealousy?” Dex sank into a chair. “I just lied to a goddamn fairy.” He watched his hands shake. His máthair Chríona would kill him but she’d never get the chance. 

“The hell you talking about? Fairy? Inn’t’at a slur? Rich coming from the guy blowing other guys.” 

Dex took a deep breath. Tried to remember how to speak. “No, like, actual fairy. The Fair Folk. The Wee People. The People Under the Mounds. Aes sídhe.”

“Whatever, bro. You’re just worried that he’ll like my blow jobs better and leave you for me.”

And what could Dex say to that? It was true, if not how Nursey meant it.

Dex let the conversation drop. Nursey returned to the party and proceeded to get completely “schwasted”. Normally, Dex would be, not happy, but fine, yes, definitely just fine, with Nursey leaving with someone from the football team, or rugby team, or either of the soccer teams. Basically, anyone who wasn’t a fairy. 

But consent requires a certain level of sobriety and Nursey had passed that line very early in the night. Dex wasn’t going to let someone, even a human, take advantage of his d-man partner while drunk.

Which meant Dex was stuck walking Nursey back to his dorm to make sure he didn’t accidentally walk into the pond and die or something. There was a reason for Nursey Patrol after all. 

“Dexy trying to take me home and take advantage of me.” Yeah, Nursey was definitely too far gone.

“I’m trying to get you home so you’ll be safe, not so I can sleep with you.” Fairies weren’t the only ones that could be lied to by telling the truth. Consent was really important to Dex.

“Sure bro. Chowder not enough for you anymore? Gonna sleep with the whole team?”

Dex sighed deeply, reminding himself that he actually cared about this asshole not dying. “Just because I’ve sucked fairy dick doesn’t mean I automatically want to suck everyone else’s dick.” For example, he’d pretty much narrowed down the list of dicks he wanted to suck to no more than five, and since they were all attached to people out of his league, he wasn’t stressing it. Also, it’s not like he’d call it “automatic.”

They managed to make it all the way to Nursey’s suite before he said spoke again. Dex had Nursey sitting on his bed while he took off his shoes and jeans. 

“Take a good look, bro. You can think about it the next time you’re sucking some guy, huh? Just in case he’s not as good as C.” 

Dex considered changing his mind about keeping Nursey alive. “Nursey. We’re on the hockey team together. If I wanted to see you naked, I can any day at practice. I don’t.” He stopped and took another deep breath. “I don’t think about other people when I’m with someone.” Who he thought about when he was alone however, was his business.

_X_

The weeks faded together. Classes, homework, practice, games. Playoffs. Dex still met up with Mari multiple times per week to try to brainstorm their fairy problem together. The team decided he was wheeling her.

Which was really kind of unfair to her, he thought. All their shit talk about heteronormative gender roles and equality but as soon as he talked to a pretty woman (who he definitely considered out of his league anyway) she’s suddenly his prey or something. Yeah, like he’s a fairy. 

But it was whatever. Let them think that he and Mari were dating or hooking up or whatever. He was fine with that, in theory.

Which meant that of course, that theory got put to the test. By Nursey. Always Nursey. 

“Why are you always following that volleyball chick around? Farmer’s friend.” Nursey looked at him over the top of his to-go cup of coffee and took a long pull.

“I don’t think ‘chick’ is a Shitty approved term for women.” Dex didn’t bother looking up for more than a glance, he’d made the mistake of taking stats and calc the same term and he was ready to stab the entire concept of numbers. 

“Answer the question, Poindexter.”

“I assume you mean Mari? It’s none of your business.” Dex pushed his calculator away and leveled a blank stare at Nursey.

“Mari? That’s not her name. Her name’s-” Nursey’s last few words were a mumble against Dex’s hand. Which he quickly withdrew. He had a brother and he knew the next step in that situation.

“Don’t say people’s names dude. Fuck. She goes by Mari, short for Mariposa.”

“Butterfly? Why the hell would her volleyball nickname be butterfly? It’s got shit all to do with her name.”

“Because she has a tattoo of a butterfly.”

Nursey looked at him skeptically. “Where? I’ve been to a bunch of their games. I’ve seen her crop tops. No ankle tats, none on her shoulders, not even a tramp stamp, pardon the term.”

Dex sighed and pulled his calculator back over. “Well Nursey, maybe if you ask really really nicely, she’ll show it to you.”

She probably would. It’s a cool tattoo. She’d shown Dex on Lake quad that first day, just pulled the back of her shirt down a little and moved her braid out of the way to reveal the butterfly at the nape of her neck where it meets her back.

Maybe Nursey and Mari could bond over tats and Nursey would stop flirting with fairies. Dex could hope. Dex could also hope to finish the practice sets he was working on and feel confident going into his exams. Dex rarely gets what he hopes for.

_X_

Somehow, Dex and Nursey eventually managed to settle back into their tentative friendship. Dex should have realized the fairy was just biding his time.

It was an ordinary Thursday afternoon. Maybe not a completely ordinary Thursday afternoon because when Dex got to the Haus, Bitty wasn’t in the kitchen. He must have actually gone to class. 

Or maybe just to Murder Stop & Shop for ingredients.

He found some leftover pie that somehow survived hidden in the back of the fridge and pulled it out to snack on. Which, of course, meant that’s when Nursey showed up and tried to steal the pie. 

He almost missed Chowder entering the kitchen as he tried to put the table between him and Nursey. 

It was the flannel that caught his eye and he tripped. The pie was almost lost. Somehow, gaumy Nursey was the one to grab it and keep it from hitting the floor.

“C, are you wearing my shirt? You can’t just take things that belong to me.”

Honestly, it was too big and if Chowder wasn’t a fairy, it might be really hot to have him wearing his shirt. Ok, Dex could acknowledge in his own mind that it still was really hot.

Chowder’s face fell. “I thought that’s what friends do? Borrow things from each other.”

Dex gritted his teeth. “Sometimes friends do. But I can’t trust you to return my things unharmed and as you took them.”

Nursey stopped shoveling pie down his throat and opened his stupid mouth,like a dub. “Dex. That’s really unchill. This is C. Friends loan each other their shit. Don’t be an ass about it.”

Dex closed his eyes and pleaded silently with Nursey to not say what he knew was coming.

Nursey, of course, ignored his silent plea. “Hey, Chow, you-“

Dex didn’t remember making the decision to turn and lean into Nursey, stopping only when his mouth was nearly touching Nursey’s. But it had the intended effect of making him shut his stupid mouth before he gave a fairy free reign over his entire life and soul. 

Nursey hadn’t moved a muscle since he stopped talking. Dex needed to do something, this was getting weird. There was no way to make this not weird.

Dex’s luck finally changed and he heard Chowder leave the kitchen. He threw caution to the wind and licked Nursey’s chin.

“If you’re going to steal my pie, the least you could do is eat it, not wear it.”

“Um, bro, were you about to kiss me?”

“Of course not.” Seriously, it’s like Nursey didn’t pay any attention to Dex’s issues about needing consent. The lick was pushing it enough. “Hey, do you just have a death wish? Do you have no sense of self preservation? Because seriously. I’ve told you he’s a freaking fairy and you were about to offer him anything he wanted, weren’t you?”

“Friends borrow shit from each other!”

“Fairies steal things that they find pretty! You’re going to get your stupid pretty face kidnapped to Fairy!”

“Oh, this again.”

“Seriously Nursey? Seriously? You’ve read like every book ever, but you can’t recognize the signs? Fuck man. I’m not Tiffany Aching. I can’t take a skillet and force my way into Faerie to rescue you.” He stopped, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. “Not least of which is because Bitty would kill me for stealing his MooMaw’s cast iron skillet.”

_X_

Dex actually hunted down Chowder. It wasn’t hard to find him, actually. It’s just that Dex had never tried before.

“Look, C. Why did you take my shirt?”

The fairy was still looking deflated and it was disconcerting. “Like I said, you didn’t care when Nursey did it.”

“Well, Nursey’s my friend.”

“I thought we were friends.” His voice was so small, Dex almost didn’t catch it.

“What? Um. Ok. I mean, I guess. I kind of think of us as friends too, but, it’s different?”

“Why does it have to be different? You do favors for me and I return favors. We hang out. You do favors for Nursey and he returns them. You hang out. We all get along, mostly. I mean, we get along better than you and he did.”

Dex sighed. “Do I owe you any favors? Do you owe me any?” 

“I owe you 23 favors.”

“Ok, that’s how it’s different. Friends don’t keep track. Yeah, we do things for each other and part of it is knowing that they’d help us if we needed it, but we don’t keep track of owing each other.”

“I mean, I don’t mean to? It’s just how we are. I can feel the imbalance. And the favors that didn’t have a price set, it can be really hard to find something that makes it clear.”

Dex sighed again. He ran a hand through his hair. His máthair Chríona would kill him if she knew what he was about to say. 

“Would it help if I set the exchange at the time? Like, if I buy coffee for everyone and when I give you yours, I tell you that you have to give me a smile in exchange?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. I haven’t tried.”

“Ok. Um, you can borrow my shirt if I can hold Sharkie for a minute.”

“Hmm. I feel the favor.” Chowder picked up Sharkie and patted his head before passing him over. “It’s still there.

“Well, it hasn’t been a minute.” Dex hugged the shark and watched his phone for the time to change over. 

Once the time ticked over, he put the shark back on Chowder’s bed. 

“Oh! It cleared. Hey, it works!” He was beaming again. That’s the fairy Dex knew and feared. “So, does this mean we can be friends?”

“Yeah. I guess it does. Just, don’t try to take things that I consider mine.”

“Ok. Yeah. I get that. But Dex.” There was a thread of steel in his voice suddenly that made Dex still. “Don’t ever lie to me again.”

Dex met his eyes and stood. “To protect those that are mine, I’ll do it again if I have to.” He turned and left.

_X_

Looking back, Dex should have been surprised that Nursey let the issue lie for a week. At the time, he was too preoccupied worrying about Chowder.

Their new plan of setting the exchange as they did each other favors seemed to be going well. Dex even started to think they might be something like real friends eventually. 

Which was good, you want a goalie on your side. 

Then, Nursey showed up at his door. 

“We need to talk.” He pushed into the room without waiting for a reply.

Dex just shrugged and closed the door behind him. 

“What did you do to Chowder?” Nursey rounded on Dex as soon as the door closed.

“Um, nothing? What the hell are you talking about?” They hadn’t been fighting as much, but honestly, anger was a familiar feeling and it would be easy to slide into it.

Nursey flopped onto Dex’s bed and glared at him. “Chowder isn’t acting normal anymore. Ever since you went off on him about borrowing your stupid shirt, he won’t take anything from me without asking what I want in return. Every time he buys me a coffee or helps with my math or anything, he asks me for some stupid shit like a smile in return. What the fuck did you do to our goalie?”

Dex sighed. “You clearly don’t understand the concept of fairy. Just, ok, it’s a cultural thing. Favors being owed messed up relationships for him, ok?” Dex dropped into his desk chair. “We talked after the shirt thing. I can’t believe you didn’t notice how weird he was about favors before. He wants his friendships to be more like everyone else’s and this… helps.”

“Ok, sure yeah. I can respect cultural differences.” Nursey was nodding but Dex wasn’t buying that this was over. 

“Then, maybe you can explain why, when I asked if he’d take me to the Monterey Bay Aquarium if I visited this summer, that he said he promised he wouldn’t take anything that belongs to you.”

Yeah, Dex should have seen something like this coming. He dropped his head into his hands.

“I don’t belong to anyone, Dex. So why would he say that?”

“You clearly don’t belong to me. I told him not to take things that are mine. It’s different.”

“Yours?” Whatever was in Nursey’s voice was definitely not something Dex was going to look at.

“You are mine?” He faded off a bit. “Like, my friend, my d-line partner.” He cleared his throat. “My bro?”

“So that’s it? That’s why he would think I counted as ‘yours’ and thus something he couldn’t ‘take’.” 

“Well, I mean, I did lick you, which is a traditional method of claiming things, people, etc. So maybe that was what really sealed it.” 

“Hmm.” Dex considered sneaking a peak to see if Nursey’s face was giving anything away. “I thought you were going to kiss me that day. Now that would have been making a claim.”

Dex finally let his hands drop. He might as well face his doom. 

“I couldn’t take the chance it wouldn’t be consensual.” 

“But licking me was ok?”

“Bro, you’ve licked me before. Usually after dumping pie all over me.”

“Ok. Point.” Nursey was looking at Dex oddly. 

Dex tried to not let himself collapse. Sure, saying he wanted to kiss his D-man partner if it would be consensual had been a risk. And sure, Nursey had just ignored it like he’d said he’d be down for fist bumps. But he didn’t seem mad about the Chowder thing, or the “mine” thing, or the “I want to kiss you thing”, so, bright side, right?

“So, if you did have consent-“ Nursey trailed off and started worrying the edge of Dex’s blanket. 

Dex watched him sharply. What part of the sentence was unclear? “Then I guess I would have kissed you.” Nursey seemed to tense up. “I needed to make you stop talking, so whatever worked, right?” 

“Oh, right right. I get it. You needed to shut me up.” Nursey stood up and headed toward the door and Dex got up to follow.

He looked smaller some how. 

Nursey paused with his hand on the door knob. “Bro, I get what you were doing, I guess. But, don’t ever kiss me just to shut me up.”

Dex took a deep breath and decided to jump. “What if I’m not trying to shut you up?”

“Then whatever. It’s up to you.” 

“Hey Nursey?”

Nursey grunted in acknowledgement, but didn’t turn. Dex groaned and thanked god that they were the same height. “Nursey, please don’t shut up.” He leaned close and planted a kiss on Nursey’s neck just below his ear. “Please say something.”

Nursey finally turned, but he still didn’t say anything. He let his hands and lips and tongue talk for him.

_X_

Things got a lot better after that. Dex stopped worrying so much about Chowder trying to kidnap Nursey. Chowder stopped popping up at random times as often. Dex told Mari about the conversation about friendship and she seemed to have worked something out with Farmer as well. 

It lasted for over a year.

Until, somehow, the Haus was filled with NHL stars during a kegster. Tater was getting beaten at flip cup and pong by Lardo. Ransom was hiding at the bottom of the stairs to the attic. Parse was leaning against a wall, having been beaten by Lardo, Ransom, Holster, and Tater. Jack had actually disappeared into Bitty’s room pretty quickly. 

Dex ended up against the wall near Parse when Tater joined them in watching the people dancing in the living room. Well, watching Chowder. He’d started break dancing once the crowd thinned a bit. 

“That one volshebnyy, fairy.” Tater lifted his cup of vodka towards Chowder. 

“Yep.”

Parse looked back and forth between them. “So, he’s really a fairy? I thought he was just clingy. I mean, I’ve blown clingier guys, but he would show up places he shouldn’t be able to.” He tossed back the rest of his tub juice. “Wait, is he why I got the trade deal to the Schooners?”

Tater was about to finish off his vodka but he stopped with his cup to his lips, eying Parse. “You blow fairy? You let fairy this close to you? Smelyy, otvazhnyy." 

 

Parse looked confused and slightly offended and Dex thought he probably had the same look. Smelly? What the hell?

“Aces no good for you. Mudak. Schooners better. Good guys. Have back. You blow fairy, you deserve this, good things." Tater tossed back the rest of his vodka. "How you survive? Mystery.”

“Fuck, I’m just glad you apparently blew him better than I did so he finally left me alone.”

“You blow fairy too? Americans!”

“What’s this about fairies? Is that some sort of slang?” Nursey fell against the wall beside Dex. 

Tater pointed with his cup again. “That one, you call C.”

“This again? Dex calls him a fairy all the time. Usually when he’s busy cockblocking me. Like damn bro, you could have let me wheel the goalie.” 

Tater started edging away from the group. “Dex, you do a good thing for your friend, but all of you, balls too big for brain.”

_X_

Epilogue

“Why do you call me Kenya?” Parse tilted his head at the skype screen. 

Tater looked off to the side. “Is, uh, nickname?” Tater refused to look back at the screen. He definitely knew what pet names were, thank you very much.

“Ok, but what does it mean?”

“Means your name. Is, hmm, cute form of Kent?”

“So, like Kenny?”

“Hmm.” Tater was still refusing to look at the screen, but Parse hadn’t said anything.

“Then what’s the cute form of Alexei?”

Tater slowly dragged his eyes back to the screen and watched Parse for a few moments. “Is Alyoshenka.”

——

Practice with the Schooners was hard, but like Tater had said, they were good guys and it was fun. Parse had gotten down to his under armor when he noticed the notification on his phone. 

|”How come fairy not take you, Kenya? You so pretty. I’m not fairy and I take you.”

He grinned at the text. 

|Oh yeah? Where to?

He tossed the phone back onto the shelf to finish cleaning up and getting redressed.

“Hey hey. Parse with the heart eyes. Good news from the girlfriend?”

“Nah guys, it was just a text from Alyoshenka.”

The room got noticeably quieter as half the team turned towards Parse. He glanced around uncertainly. He didn’t remember everyone’s names yet, but he was pretty sure he now had the attention of every Russian on the team, and that of a Swedish rookie who was friends with the back-up goalie.

“Alyoshenka?” 

“Yeah, you know, Tater?”

“You call him Alyoshenka?”

“Yeah, he said that was the appropriate name. Since he calls me Kenya.”

“He calls you Kenya?”

“Guys, this is getting really weird. I’ll just shower at home.”

“No, I think we need to have coffee. Get your shower.”

Parse wasn’t a rookie, but he was new to the team. They didn’t seem upset, just confused. Which was really confusing for him. 

——

Once they were settled at a coffee shop, tucked around two tables in a back corner for some privacy, the questions started again.

“Why you not tell us you have boyfriend?”

“You know is no problem for us. Those two, happy as clam.” One of the other guys pointed towards the rookie and backup goalie who, now that Parse actually looked, were actually cuddling. They grinned at him.

“So, why you not tell us about your Alyosha?”

“Wait a minute. Back up. Boyfriend?”

——

Tater traced his fingers down Parse’s face, gently outlining the features. “Still mystery. How come fairy not take you, Kenya? You so pretty. I’m not fairy and I take you.”

Parse leaned into Tater’s hand. “You can definitely take me.”

“Mm. Little Kenya.” Tater pressed his lips to Parse’s softly.

**Author's Note:**

> Nursey never believes in fairies.
> 
> Kent is skeptical, but agreeable.
> 
> Tater refuses to be near Chowder. Chowder understands, he knows what the Russian fairies are like. He also thinks it's funny.
> 
> Chowder and Farmer actually just want to hang out and absorb some human culture.
> 
> Dex never has to risk Bitty's wrath by stealing MooMaw's cast iron skillet.
> 
> Even though in canon only Carl is a super douche, in this story we will pretend they all are and that getting out of that environment and some therapy and general growing up smooths out Kent's rough edges.
> 
> Kent is 100% ok with being boyfriends with Tater, he just hadn't realized that they'd DTR.
> 
> I apologize for any languages that I have butchered.  
> You can yell at Denois on Tumblr @sexydexynurse


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